


I Would Burn Just Like a Firefly

by Asushunamir



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Chronic Pain, Hurt/Comfort, I like torturing my faves, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Shadow has Issues, Vent fic?, brief depiction of a panic attack, but that's not really the focus, but you all know that already, him being lowkey suicidal is practically canon at this point, i guess??, it's me so this turned into sonadow halfway through, just lmk if you need something tagged, mild Self-harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28554072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asushunamir/pseuds/Asushunamir
Summary: Letting unstable energy reside in the bloodstream of a living creature was bound to have repercussions. Good thing weapons don't feel pain.
Relationships: Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	I Would Burn Just Like a Firefly

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure I'm far from the first person to write a "shadow loses an inhibitor ring" fic, but I wanted to do it anyway, so screw it. 
> 
> I started writing this as a vent thing about my own (chronic? it's been nonstop for a year but I haven't seen a doctor yet) pain so it's not my best work but I'm enjoying it so maybe someone else will too? That being said, please mind the trigger warnings in the tags
> 
> also I'd like to take this moment to apologize to anyone waiting for me to finish my other sonic fic. I'm just not in a place right now, mentally or physically, where I can work on it. I'm sorry.
> 
> With all that out of the way, I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> title from 'Mouth of the Devil' by Mother Mother

Shadow wouldn't describe himself as claustrophobic, but there's something about being underground that makes his skin itch.

An enclosed space with only a handful of exit points that could malfunction and kill them all at any second reminds him too much of the ARK. Even the ruins of an ancient civilization can't hold his interest completely, and his mind keeps circling back to the possibility that they all might die down here.

Also, after two hours of exploring, one of the tunnels collapsed behind them, trapping them all inside. They're down too deep for Knuckles or Rouge to dig them out, and the rock is too thick to get a signal through. Shadow can't help but feel slightly vindicated in his paranoia.

"Okay, according to my maps of the surface, we should be near the edge of the mountain." Tails says, the first one to speak since they realized they were stuck. "Which means that door over there should take us outside."

The door in question is at the end of a long, narrow, stone bridge. The gaping pit below looks as if it's either bottomless or close to it. Unsurprisingly, no one moves.

"And if it doesn’t?” Knuckles questions.

“Then I’m out of ideas and we’ll have to wait for someone to realize we’re missing and come rescue us.” Tails says and steps out onto the bridge without looking back.

Shadow doesn’t find that statement comforting in the least, mostly because everyone he knows is _here._ The only person not here that would notice Shadow being missing is Omega, and he’s overseas on a mission. 

He makes up his mind and starts across the bridge after Tails. Hesitantly, the rest of the group falls in behind him.

"Are we sure this is safe?" Amy asks as she steps onto the bridge, nervously eyeing the pebbles dislodged by their steps. 

They all stop, watching the rocks disappear into the darkness below. Everyone waits, silent as the grave, but there's no sound of the pebbles hitting the ground.

"Um." Tails peers over the edge of the walkway. "Well, worst case scenario, several of us can fly?"

"That's reassuring." Amy mutters, creeping forward.

They reach the door. The platform in front of it is barely wider than the rest of the path, probably to accommodate for the pedestal off to the left. Shadow moves to stand at Tails' side.

The door and the pedestal are covered in odd symbols, sigils that must have had meaning to their creators but mean nothing to anyone now, belonging to a language long dead. Nevertheless, Tails takes several pictures of each before lifting himself into the air with his tails. Sonic steps forward to take his place.

The kid is engrossed with the pedestal, so Shadow focuses on the door, instead.

There's no handle, first of all. Who makes a door without a damn handle? Just pushing on it does nothing. Shadow presses his ear against the door, then experimentally taps a fist against it. "It's too thick to break."

"How could you possibly know that for sure." Sonic gripes, because of course he does.

Shadow whips around to glare at him. "I'm sorry, if you'd like to try and break through this solid slab of stone, then please, be my guest." 

"Guys," Amy says, tiredly. "Can we please save this for when we're not over a bottomless pit?"

"Technically, it's not bottomless." Tails mumbles distractedly, inspecting the top of the stand. An orb floats above it, made of the same carved stone and yet perfectly spherical. "It's just so deep that if you fell, you'd die before you hit the bottom."

Not noticing the collective flinch that his words incite, Tails then says, "This pedestal is giving off some seriously strong residual chaos energy. I think maybe that's how we're supposed to open the door!"

"Awesome! Guess you're up, Shads." Sonic maneuvers his way around their very limited space to get on Shadow's right side instead, allowing Shadow to reach the terminal. 

"Ugh, fine." Shadow mutters. He's already exhausted, and using chaos leaves him drained even on a good day. Whatever. It's not like they have any better options.

He rests a hand on the orb, and focuses on the energy pulsing through his veins. It hums harshly against his skin, and Shadow forces it to concentrate in his hand until it finally seeps into the pedestal. As always, a dull ache spreads in his arm where the chaos flows through it. 

The symbols engraved into the orb glow a sharp, almost neon, shade of green, but the door remains closed.

"Well, that was a waste of time." Knuckles mutters from behind them. "Any other ideas?"

"Maybe if you used both hands?" Tails suggests, but he doesn't sound optimistic.

"It doesn't work like that." Shadow says shortly. He continues to pour energy into the stone, to no effect other than the eerie glow.

"Oh." Tails frowns, then flies in closer to inspect the orb. "Hey, wait… the sparks coming off your hand are yellow, but the inscriptions are glowing green."

"So?" Shadow asks, dropping his hand back down to his side. The energy in the carvings fizzles into nothingness.

"So, maybe it's supposed to be yellow, too!" Tails says, triumphant.

Shadow scoffs, absently rubbing at his wrist. It helps a little. "What, you want me to magic it into being a different color? Hate to break it to you, but 'interior design' is not one of my powers."

"Knock it off, Shadow." Sonic says suddenly, and crowds in closer. "I think Tails might be onto something. Our super forms were yellow, remember?"

Shadow doesn't remember that, but bringing up his amnesia right now might be unnecessarily petty.

"You're right!" Tails says excitedly. "Maybe that's the color chaos takes when it's highly concentrated!" 

Shadow rolls his eyes, but puts his hand back on the orb anyway. "Fine, more power. Got it."

He presses more chaos into the orb this time, letting the power radiate from his heart before pushing it out through his fingertips. Shadow winces at the strain before he can stop himself. Luckily, no one notices him falter, their attention caught by the symbols. They're glowing a sickly shade of yellow, rather than the earlier green.

"It's still not enough." Tails murmurs.

"I-" Shadow grits his teeth. Today is absolutely not his today, and he looks forward to forgetting it as soon as possible. Reluctantly, he admits, "I can't channel any more than this. Not without an emerald."

"Then…" Amy trails off. Her unspoken words hang in the air like poison.

_Then we're stuck here._

Shadow pulls his hand back. The veins in his wrist are burning. He shakes his arm out a little, a small movement that won't attract attention. "I don't suppose you randomly happened to learn how to channel your chaos energy, Sonic?" 

Sonic sighs bitterly. "No, but apparently I have the rest of the foreseeable future to figure it out."

Shadow huffs out a laugh, startling himself. He turns away from Sonic and massages at his left wrist under the pretense of inspecting the door again. It's a normal amount of pain, but it never ceases to be annoying.

"I'm going to explore the pit." Rouge declares, and takes a flying leap off the bridge before anyone can respond.

"Okay, while she's doing that, does anyone have other ideas?" There's an edge of panic in Amy's voice, but to her credit, none of it shows on her face.

Knuckles hums in thought, then glances at the hallway they came from. "We could search the tunnels for weak spots. In a place as ancient as this, I'm sure there's one somewhere." 

"Even if there were any, destroying a wall is likely to cause another cave-in." Tails points out. "We got lucky the first time, but I doubt we'll all get out unscathed again, especially now that there aren't any more tunnels to run to."

Knuckles grimaces and crosses his arms. "What if Shadow blasts the door instead? That's not about to collapse."

Not a terrible plan. The door and surrounding walls do look more sturdy than the rest of the tunnels have thus far, probably (hopefully) because it used to be the entrance and needed to be easily defended.

Tails tilts his head, studying the door. For a moment, he looks almost hopeful. Then he frowns, turning away to stare into the abyss. "Well, I guess we could try, but anything that was built to conduct chaos is definitely going to be resistant to it." 

Rouge drops onto the bridge, spraying pebbles off the edge. "I didn't find any doorways," she reports, kicking at the loose dirt and dust. "I can go back and search deeper, but it's not looking promising."

Shadow tightens his grip on his wrist, squeezing it until the motion hurts just as much as the chaos does. 

There has to be a way out of here, they can't just sit around and wait to die- he's done that before, and it's not a fate he'd wish on his worst enemy, let alone his… friends? Acquaintances? But horribly, disgustingly, he feels grateful that at least he's not alone this time.

His fingers brush against metal instead of fur.

Oh.

"I have an idea." Shadow says, derailing the conversation. He feels stupid for not having thought of it sooner. Could've saved them all some stress.

He wraps his fingers around the golden band, feeling for the latch. It takes him a moment to find it- Shadow can count the number of times he's removed his rings on one hand- then there's a subtle _click_. It's quiet, almost inaudible, and Shadow's not entirely sure he didn't imagine it.

The ring shimmers, a seam appearing where there wasn't one before, and bends itself away from his wrist. It wobbles, threatening to fall off his wrist into the abyss below. Shadow snatches it out of the air, faster than he thinks he's ever moved in his life. And that includes all of his near-death (and actual death) experiences, which probably indicates that his priorities are slightly skewed. 

It's a ridiculous fear anyway, since he doesn't think he could pry the ring out of his grip if he tried. He doesn't try. As long as it's not sealed, it won't block his energy.

"Woah, wait, is that safe?" Sonic raises a hand as if to make him put the ring back on, but pauses in midair. 

Selfishly, Shadow almost hopes Sonic will try to stop him. He feels shaky and vulnerable without both of his rings on and he wants more than anything to give up on this plan, even if it's the best shot they have.

Sonic doesn't try to make him do anything, of course, because he's a nice person who respects boundaries. He lets his hand drop back to his side and simply watches, trusting that Shadow knows what he's doing. That raw belief never fails to throw Shadow off-balance, and for a moment all he can do is stare. 

"You aren't in danger." Shadow tells him a few seconds too late to be normal. Without the ring, the fire in his veins is spreading into his shoulder, abating just before it hits his neck. He rolls his shoulder experimentally, trying to get used to the sensation. 

Sonic's eyes narrow in suspicion. "Are _you_ in danger?"

Shadow ignores him, makes a mental note to become harder to read, and places his hand on the orb once more.

Shadow doesn't even attempt to channel the chaos. With this much power, he's not sure he could maintain control for more than a second. He forces it through his veins, fire surging out through his fingertips. 

The orb, the pedestal, and the door instantly light up in yellow and gold. A low rumble fills the room as the door begins to raise.

Shadow has a single moment to feel triumphant before his legs give out from underneath him.

He thinks he might hear several people yell his name, but he doesn't care to look and see who it was. Someone catches him under the arms before he can hit the ground; Shadow hazily considers pushing them away before quickly deciding he won't be able to keep his grip on the orb otherwise. It _hurts._ Everything hurts like acid devouring him from the inside out and suddenly he can't fucking _breathe_ why won't it _stop._

He has the distant thought that he's never tried to use pure, unrestrained chaos energy for anything other than running, and maybe he should have waited and puzzled out the best way to do this instead of jumping right in. Hindsight's a bitch.

Shadow cracks an eye open, having screwed them shut against the pain. His vision takes a moment to focus, a smear of grey-brown-gold stone sharpening into place. The door has lifted about halfway into the ceiling. Enough for them to get through, at least. He stops the flow of energy for the briefest, most relieving second of his life. 

The door starts going back down.

"Damn it." Shadow whispers, and belatedly remembers he's not supposed to swear around Tails. Nobody calls him out on it. Or maybe they do and he doesn't hear it through the ringing in his ears.

"Everyone get through," he says hoarsely. He closes his eyes and resumes pushing chaos into the stone, not waiting to see if they listen.

Somehow, impossibly, the pain intensifies, white-hot and endless. Every drop of blood in his left side is shrieking, molten lava seeping into his bones and out through his skin. He feels like he should just black out at a certain point, but he's never been lucky.

Sounds blur together until the only thing Shadow can hear is the crackle of chaos energy and his own harsh gasps. It's only by digging his fangs into his lip that he manages not to scream. He still has _some_ pride.

Someone grabs him by the shoulders, wrenching him away from the pedestal and into something solid, warm. A nice kind of warm, not at all like the fire that's trying to consume him from the inside out.

Shadow must collapse after that, because he feels weightless. He doesn't feel himself hit the ground, which is strange, but maybe he just can't feel anything past all of his nerves screaming in pain. It's spread into his heart and down his left leg, although blessedly his right side only hurts with the dull pangs of exhaustion. The pain is nowhere near the level it was just seconds ago, but it's still too much. 

His eyes aren’t focusing particularly well, but he thinks everything goes a shade darker, suddenly. Weird. Did one of the torches go out? That’d be nice. It’s… easier to sleep, when it’s dark. Sleep sounds really good. Nothing hurts when he’s asleep. 

…

"-adow! Wake up!" Sonic yells frantically at him, way too close to his ear. 

Shadow opens his eyes (when did he close them?) with every intent of telling Sonic to shut up so he can sleep (die?) already, but the words never come since the first thing he notices is that he's facing up at the ceiling. A different one than before. Someone must have dragged him through the doorway. 

They made it through. He breathes a sigh of relief, reveling in his ability to do so without the pain immediately knocking it out of him.

"You're alright!" Rouge says, relieved. Her face takes up most of his vision. Why is she leaning in so close? Sonic is too, actually. At least he's stopped yelling. Rouge, on the other hand... "You're never allowed to do anything like that again, you hear me?"

"Noted." Shadow says faintly. His head is aching. He's not sure he even _could_ do that again. Definitely not until he gets a few weeks of rest. 

"Good." Rouge runs a hand over his quills nervously. 

It's not… an entirely unpleasant sensation, but he still finds himself saying, "Could you stop suffocating me now?"

"Right, sorry." Rouge disappears from his view, but Sonic doesn't. 

Shadow glares at him. "Well?" 

Sonic raises an eyebrow at him. "Dude, I'm not gonna drop you just so you can keep up your 'loner' image. You might be an asshole, but I'm not."

"Takes one to know one," Shadow says, head full of fluff. It feels like the room is spinning and also like there are fire ants eating his arm, but he's pretty sure everyone would be panicking a lot more if that were the case. Sonic's words click into place. "What do you mean, 'drop me?'"

Sonic stares at him incredulously, a hint of worry showing on his face. 

Shadow forces himself to pay attention to sensations other than pain, and then registers that someone has an arm looped under his back and there's another supporting his legs and absolutely none of his body is touching the ground.

"Put me down." Shadow hisses at him. "Now." 

Sonic shrugs, jostling him. "Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you." Despite his callous words, Sonic is remarkably careful in setting him back down. Shadow would be flattered if it wasn’t so fucking infuriating. He doesn’t need to be coddled. 

Weapons don’t need- he doesn’t need… 

It’s humiliating, is all.

Shadow’s feet touch the ground, and all is well and good until Sonic lets go and stops supporting his weight. Pain _shoots_ through Shadow’s left leg, straight up into his heart. He crumples like a plastic straw.

Sonic scoops him back up before he can fall over. Shockingly, Sonic doesn’t make a joke, doesn’t even smirk at Shadow’s blatantly stupid need to try and stand on his own. It's generous and sweet and more than Shadow's done anything to deserve. Shadow resists the urge to throttle him.

Shadow idly rubs at the pain in his chest with his right hand. It's a convenient distraction from how his left arm has gone numb with pain and exhaustion. "When we get out of here, I'm going to-'' He freezes mid-sentence. His hand is empty.

He's not holding anything.

"Actually, Tails said the exit should be just ahead, so any threats you're about to make should wait until you've healed." Sonic says, and starts walking. It's a jarring motion but Shadow can't bring himself to care.

It's gone.

"I want to look him over when we get back, too," Tails sounds far away, but Shadow's not sure if he actually is or if it's in his head. "I'm not a doctor, but I can at least figure out why he collapsed."

"Good idea." Rouge agrees. "Let's head to your lab."

Shadow knows why he collapsed, that's not important right now. "Sonic." He says urgently.

"Yeah?" The hedgehog looks down at him, confused. 

"Where's my ring, do you have it?"

Sonic blinks, then shakes his head. "No, I only grabbed you."

Shadow hums a nervous acknowledgement, then presses his right wrist against his chest to reassure himself there’s still a ring around one of his arms. Sonic gives him an odd look. 

"Does- does anyone else have my ring?" Shadow raises his voice so everyone can hear the question. Shadow tries and fails to turn his head to see the group’s response, flinching in pain as soon as he tries. 

Sonic looks up and watches everyone's reactions for him. "No, they don't, Shads." His voice is annoyingly gentle. Shadow wants to tell him to knock it off, but his breathing has gone funny again and he can't get the words out.

Rouge reappears at his side. "You still have one, and Tails can make you a new one when we get back, alright?" Her voice is equally soft and reassuring. It's less off-putting coming from her, but it still grates on him.

No. No-no-no- _no-_ "He can't, no one can, that's not-" Why does he keep running out of air, just breathe, idiot, it's not hard-

"You're going to be fine," Rouge tells him firmly. "Just rest, and we'll figure everything out when we get back." 

Shadow shakes his head the tiny bit that his pain will allow. "I have to go back, I, I need-"

The room rumbles around them. Bits of dirt and rock rain from the ceiling.

Shadow then has the unfortunate realization that perhaps throwing enough energy to power a city for weeks directly into the ruins of an ancient civilization that's been dead for thousands of years was not his best plan. Mostly because ruins are not known for their structural integrity.

"We need to get out of here, now!" Knuckles yells, right as a loud crash sounds out from behind the door. The bridge falling, probably.

The last thing Shadow sees before he blacks out is the blinding light of morning.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing this on my phone because I can't sit at my computer right now without making my pain worse so please let me know if there are any weird spelling/formatting issues.
> 
> thanks for reading :)
> 
> i finally made a tumblr! please feel free to slide into my dms: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nomnomnamir


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